Time-in vs. Time-out

Most parents are familiar with the time-out concept. You put your child on a chair or some other area away from you for a set amount of time as a discipline technique.

For most kids this is effective, but in traumatized children it can have a negative effect. Some of our children have been neglected and sending them to their rooms or other area for a time out can aggravate feelings of abandonment or neglect. This can trip a trauma trigger in your child and cause the behaviors you are trying to avoid to become worse.

In children with these issues, using a time-in may be more effective. With the time-out the child is away from you. With a time-in you do the exact opposite. Your child remains close to you, or in your lap to allow the child to feel safe and deescalate.

While on the surface it may seem that you are rewarding your child for negative behavior the positive emotional impact of a time-in can help the child heal from trauma. Most times our kids act out because they have feelings they cannot put into words. They are trying to elevate stress in the only way they know how.

A time-in is not used as a punishment, but rather as a way to help the child feel safe. You have the child sit next to you or within eye sight of you. Give the child some toys to play with or some books to read and “check in” with the child every ten to fifteen minutes or so. Tell your child that you are there, whisper “I love you” or some other similar sentiment, ask how the child is doing or whatever method will let your child know that you are checking in.

Watch for trauma signs in your child if you are currently using a time-out technique. If you see the negative behaviors increasing at the mention of a time-out, trying changing techniques and see if things change.