Post Adoption Depression

by Cate from Gathered from Afar

If you are new to our story, you may not know that we longed for 7 years to be parents and the last 33 months of that was just in waiting for our daughters to come home. During that ridiculously long “pregnancy,” I read every adoption book I could get my hands on. I was an expert (well, a head-knowledge expert) on all things transition and attachment. We had prepared the best we could for any challenges and hoped and prayed for the best. One of my most fascinating reads was on post-partum in adopting mothers.

In my experiences up until then, I sure had a lot of the same emotion as a pregnant mom. At one point, based off of a weird picture and an even weirder dream, I contacted the orphanage contacts to make sure Ada had arms. I thought, though, most of it must be in my head. How could that be possible? My body chemistry wasn’t changing. Or was it? Time and again, I hear from other adopting moms that their journey emotionally and sometimes even physically feels like a pregnancy (emotional ups and downs, weight gain, etc). It is just that that pregnancy has no due date and can last for not just months, but years. The emotional strain seems almost impossible at times. I and others were finding experiences to mimic biological journeys but I didn’t understand why.

Then, after hearing Karyn Purvis speak at a conference, it started to make sense. She was talking about changes in the mother’s brain when things happen like nursing or the momma wearing her baby. The bumping of the baby against her chest, changed her internal chemistry and allowed her to connect to the child. You don’t have to have a baby growing inside of you for your brain to prepare and react to a child in your care. The way God made us to engage and connect and attach to others is so remarkable. I could see the benefits for the baby feeling safe and cared for, but the Mom? Amazing.

An adopting mother’s heart does not just mimic a biological pregnancy. For the Moms that walk the adoption journey, they are also susceptible to post-partum. . .or in this case, adoption. . . depression. For those outside of that journey it may seem incredulous. But the studies are astonishing. Not only can we have post-partum, but it can last longer than a bio mom’s and be very intense, especially if you adopt an older child, which also makes sense. My girls, for example, didn’t come home with soft newborn cries and snuggles in Moby wraps. They came home with toddler tantrums and opinions and orphanage behaviors. They were little people with lots (and lots and lots) of pre-me baggage. There were no warm fuzzy memories from her babyhood to hold on to when my child was raging. It can be very hard.

I think knowing about it is half the battle. In a pregnancy, if you know that post-partum can happen to anyone and what it looks like, you won’t feel crazy if it hits you. You won’t feel like a horrible mom. You won’t feel alone. You will get help if you need it. Hopefully, if are adopting or have adopted, and didn’t know about PAD, now you will and you won’t feel isolated on top of overwhelmed and lost and even how to minister to your husband if you or he gets PAD.