stealing (sigh)

This week we've had issues with both RADlings stealing. This has occurred at home and school. The school had to call me about one incident and I had to contact the school about another. All situations were handled w/ out emotion to the RADlings althougth I was sooooo sad and disappointed on the inside. One RADling seemed truly sorry that he stole. He said he knew stealing was wrong and we talked about it. He had SOME money to spend at the school store but not enough for the item he WANTED. So he took what he wanted. He was caught and talked to at school. At home he was denied TV for the rest of the day and had to do ALOT of chores in the house til I felt as if he was really fully aware of what he did was wrong. And he was talked to by both Dad and myself.

Children with RAD steal from their families: small objects that are then given to friends and even money. They steal from school: velcro, markers, soap. Part of this is because they place no value on things. Every time they moved they left much of what they "owned" behind: clothes, bikes, toys. They also are trying to fill an emptiness in their hearts. They must be watched. If you know they have taken something then they must return it to the person. If it is taken from you and given away they must pay for it. If they have no money they can do chores to earn it.

The other RADling was just mad - not mad he stole. Mad he got caught. And I think that was worse than the remorse showed by the first RADling. He was forced to give the objects stolen back, plus he had to PAY DOUBLE the amount of money he stole from his brothers piggy bank. So, he had to return the amt stolen plus 100% interest. Granted, the math didn't mean much to him. But counting out the money and handing it over did. This RADling is so far in debt on the chore chart he is going to be 18 before he pays it off. He was playing in the car after repeatedly being told "the car is not a toy, please don't play in it" and he dropped his wireless DVD headphones out of the car. When leaving I do a head count for kids before backing out but I do not check for headphones -- CRUNCH. He's currently working of a $30 debt for new headphones on the chore chart...... but one still has to wonder if he's learning anything because when he gets the new headphones he will have forgotten the punishment. Half of me wants to just not replace the headphones so he doesn't get to hear the DVD movies on the way to Grandmas..... but then my heart breaks and I feel like a mean, bitter, vindictive Mom. Sigh.

Just some more RAD facts - incase you feel like reading on....

Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (as listed by Mayo Clinic)

"Reactive attachment disorder is broken into two types —
inhibited and disinhibited.

While some children have signs and symptoms of just one type, many children have both.

Inhibited type:
In inhibited reactive attachment disorder, children shun relationships and attachments to virtually everyone. This may happen when a baby never has the chance to develop an attachment to any caregiver.

Signs and symptoms of the inhibited type may include:
Resisting affection from parents or caregivers
Avoiding eye contact
Appearing to seek contact but then turning away
Difficulty being comforted
Preferring to play alone
Avoiding physical contact
Failing to initiate contact with others
Appearing to be on guard or wary
Engaging in self-soothing behavior

Disinhibited type:
In disinhibited reactive attachment disorder, children form inappropriate and shallow attachments to virtually everyone, including strangers. This may happen when a baby has multiple caregivers or frequent changes in caregivers.

Signs and symptoms of the disinhibited type may include:
Readily going to strangers, rather than showing stranger anxiety
Seeking comfort from strangers
Exaggerating needs for help doing tasks
Inappropriately childish behavior
Appearing anxious


A word of caution: Not all experts agree on the signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder. Some attachment therapists use checklists with numerous nonspecific signs and symptoms that go well beyond what the American Psychiatric Association includes in its definition of the disorder. Be cautious when trying to interpret checklists that include such symptoms as lack of eye contact, rage, aggression, lying, stealing, hoarding food, an apparent lack of a conscience, nonstop chatter, and a desire to wield control. These nonspecific symptoms are difficult to apply to any one diagnosis."