parenting techniques

Recently I felt I had come under scrutiny for the way I as parenting the twins. This does carry over a bit to the healthy kids but its hard to balance RAD and "normal" kids in a family. I was told a few times in a week that I was being overly mean and cruel in my parenting style. And I got the proverbial "oooohhhh, he's SOOOOO SWEEEEEET, how can you say/do that to him?". Yes, the every so present "he's so sweet". Yes, its true. To the person who sees a RADling for a few hours, days, or not on a regular basis the RADling is sweet. Oh, so sweet. But that is a facade. Its the outter image of a confused kid. Its classic RAD. So, I just wanted to post a few comments on parenting style for a RADling. I may appear mean but its what needs to be done.

Every family is different. Every kid is different. Every kid needs something specifically that works for them. So, this is parenting RAD-style. Its not mean, its necessary to have a working family. Just FYI.


The strains a Reactive Attachment Child puts on your family can be enormous.
Effects on the Family of a RAD Child

•Dreams of the perfect loving, caring family are squashed. There is no such thing as perfect family, but a RAD family can become quite dysfunctional.

•A RAD child will play one parent off the other, which could result in a rift between parents.

•Siblings often feel ignored or overlooked as the RAD child takes up so much of the parent’s time. Schedule, daily or weekly, one-on-one quality time for each child in the family.

•Friends, family, church members become critical of parenting and attitude.

•Due to child’s disruptive behaviour, parents often withdraw from social functions.

•Siblings and pets can often be targeted and threatened. It is extremely important for RAD children to have their own room - for their own good as well as the safety of siblings.

•Family events, like Christmas, can be filled with anger and frustration due to RAD behaviour.

•Parents appear to be unfair, strict and sometimes hostile, as parenting skills used with healthy children do not work with RAD children.

Natural Consequences:
•Did not bring homework home – go back and get it or assign your own homework.

•Room not cleaned – stay in your room until it is clean.

•Does not want to eat – no problem, they will not starve, but they will sit at the table while the family eats (NO snack before next meal).

•Misbehaving at dinnertime – remove them from the table. They can go to their room until dinner is over– so the rest of the family can enjoy a peaceful meal. (this is a big one at our house. sometimes i don't even want to eat the same table with them)

•Broken object – they must replace it with their own money or with chores.

•Foul mouth, raised voice, rudeness, and back talk – can be rewarded with chores, exercise (jumping jacks, sit ups, running on the spot) or payment to money jar.

•Hurt someone – they must apologize and lose privileges (having friends over, watching TV, playing video games, using the telephone, etc.). Most likely, they will not mean the apology, but it is a habit-forming process.